I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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