He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
