just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
