And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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