No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
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He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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