It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
3pm strippers are depressing
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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