After last night, I could never be a politician.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
