I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
