This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
