no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
