Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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