i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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