if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
They have beer where we have blood.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
