no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
