nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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