my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
