My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Come share oat with me in your robe
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
