I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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