My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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