Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
