i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
