Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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