well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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