Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
