My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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