Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
