I want to walk on stilts...naked
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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