First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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