So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
