if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I need to calm my uterus...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
