Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
