I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
