sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So many bounce houses so little time
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
