He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
