Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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