I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
