Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize