the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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