I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
