No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
