I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
