The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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