News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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