Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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