Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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