Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
