Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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