I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
True strength comes from lack of pants
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
