he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Drake has all the answers
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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