OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
