Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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