What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
