the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you inspire me to be a worse person
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
