By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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