I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
