Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
