This house was built for laser tag.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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