i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My bed smells like the plague
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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