I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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