Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
