If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
This house was built for laser tag.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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